Slightly less neurotic these days

I can't believe that blogger kept my information for so long. Wow. 

For the last year, I've been meditating fairly regularly. Some days, it's a sleep meditation to help me get to sleep with fewer nightmares and fewer dreams where I'm racing between things, away from things, or some other racing. The consistency of my meditation practice has made me slightly less neurotic or at least, I get "over" it quicker than I used to. Previously, I'd ruminate for months or years over something I said or didn't say. 

I feel calmer. I'm better able to keep my cool when my sister threatens to call the authorities on me based on some lie she's told herself. Life is full of things and I'm tired of suffering. So I think I'll use this place to track my progress or lack thereof. 

There was something that I had read (maybe from Thich Nhat Hanh or maybe it was from Sister Dang Nghiem)... I can be ok and there isn't a reason why. I'm starting to think that my suffering is due to my holding on. Things happen, but it's my rumination that makes it suffering. My suffering helps me fit in with all the other suffering beings. Or maybe there isn't a casual relationship at all. Maybe that's my mind wanting to understand or wanting to churn. I don't know.

What I know is that when allow myself to just be, I am at peace. Feeling at peace is pleasant.